Crouching Jen Hidden Toilet Roll - Inca Trail

Ladies and gentlemen,

Toiletarily speaking the Inca trail is not to be sniffed at. Seriously, if you´re not done within one breath - its tough, you need to leave anyway. Its a shame in these situations that not all of us are blessed with Col´s low sense of smell.

First of all lets count the number of facilities available over the four day hike for the 500 people allowed to do the trail each day..... it´s 5 (Five). Yes thats all folks, one loo more than days.

And its a hike right, in the blazing sunshine, so you´re supposed to drink a lot of water... and let me tell you - squat loo´s aren´t all they´re cracked up to be, especially when a number of trekkers seem to be suffering from the inca two step (if you know what i mean). Plus despite the obvious ´put your feet here ´design, some people still don´t know what to do or which way to face - judging from the poo up walls and on the foot pads themselves.

To spare you the full horror i actually managed to find one that was clean with flushing water.... a rare and welcome sight.

Talking of welcome sights, I have an admission. After refusing to use the loo´s in the camp that morning on the grounds of mental health, on day three i somehow managed to get separated from the group and wound up on a switchback shortcut track towards another camp. Through the trees i spied a miracle.... a small house with an open door and a hallway leading to a clean and fully functioning western style bathroom. it wasn´t exactly breaking and entering...

Anyway. On a scale of one to ten breaths I´m rating the Inca trail a butt clenching 2.

(A bit harsh considering where we were - they could teach the French a thing or two - Ed)