Thailand - the land of smiles, and Cambodia - they know what's wat!

Well we could hardly spend all of our time lazing on Malaysian beaches. Not when Thailand has plenty of its own to offer.

We flew into Phuket. Lets get the childish giggles out of the way now - it's pronounced Poo-get not fu-kit. The h shows, pay attention now this is interesting, the h shows that the p is aspirated, i.e. you breath out while saying the poo (no laughing I said!). If the h was after a vowel it would mean it was a long vowel, not a short one. It's because Thai has it's own script consisting of some 44 consonants and about 30 vowels which has to be transcribed into the standard 26 letter roman alphabet. OK, lesson over, lets hit the beach.

We had a quick look round Phuket and just as quickly left for Ko Phi Phi...

(Quick lesson in Thai part 2 - Ao (pronounced Ow) means Bay, Ko means Island and Hat means Beach. OK?)



Unfortunately, it is pronounced Pee Pee, so laugh away if you feel the need. That's Ao Loh Dalum, across the island from Ao Ton Sai which is the main shopping/eating area. The island was devastated by the 2004 Tsunami but they've done a good job getting things up and running again. The island with accommodation is Ko Phi Phi Don (big Pee Pee), but the most famous area is on Ko Phi Phi Leh (little Pee Pee)...



That's Maya Bay, the beach they used in the film The Beach. It's almost completely enclosed by the limestone cliffs. We took one of the long-tail taxi boats for a tour of the islands - unfortunately they don't call this the monsoon season for nothing and things got a little hairy in the torrential rain and heavy seas later on in the day. It was still warm despite the rain, so when we stopped at an island everyone sat in the warm clear sea while we were fed freshly sliced pineapple by our guide.

We spent about a week enjoying the mostly sunny weather, mainly by the pool of a far more upmarket complex than our own. There were lots of fire shows and even a cabaret with genuine Thai lady-boys. Amusing and disturbing all at once.

After Ko Phi Phi we headed for the beaches around Krabi. Hat Rai Leh is especially well known for it's limestone karst cliffs. We took a taxi boat from Ao Nang, where we were staying, to Hat Rai Leh - very nice, but a little busy. We followed a couple on the taxi boat and ended up at Hat Phra Nang...


That'll ding dang do for us!!

Everyone we'd met up to this point was planning to go to the full moon party on Ko Pha-Ngan on the 9th. Rude not to I guess.

A bus and a ferry and a taxi boat later we found ourselves here...



For some of the time anyway. Jen found some time to join the meditation and yoga classes overlooking the bay, and the rest of the time was spent just over there...


on Hat Thian, just a 100 baht (1.50 english) boat ride from Hat Rin, where the big party is held.

You can actually walk between the two beaches to save the price of a boat ride, which we tried with the guys we arrived with (Chris and Martin who we first met on our boat tour round Ko Phi Phi and again on Hat Rin looking for a taxi boat, and Andy who had met the other two on the ferry over). The walk was an hour and a half through the forest covered hills and it nearly killed us. OK, a bit of an exaggeration, it nearly killed Jen - no seriously, she decided to have a hypo halfway across. Still, 100 baht is 100 baht.

As for the full moon party - the bars turn the music up load and people dance on the beach until the sun comes up. They also sell "buckets". For the dangerously cheap price of 180 baht (about 2.70) you get a half bottle of local whisky, a can of coke and a can of red bull in a small plastic bucket. Even I had a little dance after one of those.

So anyway, after 6 days on Ko Pha-Ngan we were starting to feel a little guilty and thought we'd better go and see some temples and stuff. Bangkok seemed like a good idea.

And it was (thanks Col, I'll take over for a while). The Queen was having a Birthday when we arrived, and what with it being the Kings 60th year on the throne - the whole country is Royal mad - no more so than in the Capital City of Bangkok. Pretty much everyone is wearing bright yellow shirts, there is classical thai dancing in the night markets and fireworks to celebrate. All good stuff. Bangkok was brimming with activity.

We shopped till we dropped in the frenzy they call Chatuchak weekend market (absolutely enormous, and 38 degrees in the shade). And then we took in some culture...



That's Wat Phra Kaew. It's wonderful, and practically the most shiny place in the world. And right next to it is the Grand Palace ...



Which is just as OTT, but with more topiary. You've got to admire that kind of extensive glitz, it takes some guts to put that many mini mirrors on to one wall.

Time now for a flurry of buddhas. Wat Traimit boasted the biggest golden buddha. Here he is, all 5 1/2 tonnes of him...



This buddha had been recently discovered to be made entirely of gold, having been encased in concrete for years posing as an ordinary stone buddha to escape the unwanted attention of invaders. Which is a nice surprise don't you think?

And Wat Pho claims Thailand's largest reclining Buddha...



He really was magnificently large. His toes were bigger than my head.

Now there were a lot more buddhas and shiny things but I reckon the 2 pictures are enough. Besides, Wat Pho is also famous for inventing Thai massage. It'd be rude not to try it. So we had a go. It was singularly the most painful thing I've experienced in a long while - I think the woman left her thumb in my shoulder, I can still feel it.

Anyway, now for a quick note about local transport. Do as the locals and try crowding onto the express ferry bus to get down the river. We were packed on like sardines and all the farangs (foreign giants like Col) stood out like sore thumbs because the ceilings were so low - anyone who wasn't normal height like me had to crouch - which was particularly funny. Also worth noting was the 2 foot of respectful space surrounding the saffron clad monks clinging to the back rail. Despite the swarm of people, they managed to maintain their dignity and orangeness.

Then theres the equally crowded local bus. The conductors are really friendly and helpfully tell you where to get off - but you've got to be quick - they don't always stop the bus entirely and jumping on or off a moving vehicle while wearing a heavy back pack is an acquired skill.

Alternatively you can try catching one of the many Tuk Tuks that buzz about the city. Not as crowded because there's just you and the driver. They resemble a cross between a motorbike and bumper car, and it's the closest thing to an extreme sport!

Anyway. It's time to leave Thailand for a while and pop over to Cambodia. I hear they've got a lot of Wats.

(Musical chairs again, Jen's had enough)

Indeed, and after reading all about the infamous Bangkok to Siem Reap bus scam we went straight to the nearest Travel Agent and booked ourselves a couple of tickets - 300 baht (that's 4 1/2 quid) to get to Cambodia, surely too good to be true!!

Too good indeed, after 4 hours on a decent air-con bus we got to the border and payed nicely over the odds for our visas - only a 20 baht fee my arse, we knew full well they were charging us 400 baht extra. After another 4 1/2 hours we eventually get on the bus at the Cambodian side, knowing there was a 6 hour bus ride awaiting on the worst road imaginable before we got to Siem Reap - 150+km of heavily pot-holed dirt track (apparently an airline is giving backhanders to make sure the road doesn't get improved). We'd cracked by this stage, and along with another from our bus hired a taxi - 7.50 each - and did the trip in a little over 3 hours. After ten minutes in the taxi we passed the bus load of tourists that had left about an hour before us. Their bus had broken down :-) It wasn't the only broken down bus we passed either, and given the unbelievable downpour that accompanied us for the final hour of what has to be the most unforgettable taxi ride I've ever had, we were increasingly happy with our decision to abandon our fellow travellers.

So, 3 days in Cambodia to see Angkor Wat. No point roughing it, how about Le Meridien Angkor? Thanks to Jen's stash of hotel reward points we got three nights of luxury absolutely free. A welcome drink would be splendid thanks, just to give you time to arrange the fresh fruit and nibbles in the room. And an upgrade? OK, if you insist. Nice pool complex too, the waterfalls were especially easy on the eye.

Let's have a picture. How about Angkor Wat...



The single biggest religious building in the world!! It's huge! The whole complex is surrounded by a massive moat. If you climb up to those three pointy bits, the view looks something like this...



The whole place is in various stages of ruin, restoration and repair. There's far too much to tell you about here, but don't worry, the slideshow will be coming to a living room near you soon!

Now the thing I didn't realise is that Angkor Wat is just one of many temples in what was once the ancient city of Angkor.

The rest are spread around the area, up to 30 odd kilometres from the central city of Angkor Thom. That means that you can't easily just wander about the place on foot - what you need is a friendly Tuk-Tuk driver who will drive you about and wait for you while you do your thing, all for about 6 quid a day. So we spent 2 very sweaty days wandering around the various temples and terraces - we even had a guide, a local police officer, clearly not overly stressed with work, give us the ins and outs of the hindu carvings on one of the more intricate little wats. Two days was enough though, after a while one wat starts looking kinda like the rest, and they surely do have a whole load of wats here. We spent the third day by the pool.

Here's a couple more pictures of some wats before we get back to Thailand. Some of the temples have been left partially overgrown and you get a real Indiana Jones/Tomb Raider feeling. One of the best is Ta Prohm...





The only really annoying thing in Cambodia was the kids selling stuff around the temples. If you made the mistake of speaking to one, a whole army would decend on you demanding you buy their scarf, water, hat, book, postcards...

A typical conversation:

Kid: "Meester, you buy my book?"

Me: "No thanks"

Kid: "OK, you buy my book now?"

Me: "Thanks but I don't need one"

Kid: "OK. You buy my book now?"

Me: "No really, I've got that one"

Kid: "You buy another one from me?"

Me: "No, really, I don't need a book"

Kid: "OK...(pause) you buy my book now"

Me: "Really, no, I don't want another book"

Kid: "OK. You buy my book now?"

Kid 2: "Meester, you buy my postcard?

Me: "Thanks, but no, no book and no postcard"

Kid: "You buy my book now?"

Kid 2: "You want postcard from me?"

Enter kids 3 to 15: "You buy *insert tat* from me?"

Exit me, running...

Let's hop on a plane back to Thailand eh - can't quite face another nightmare bus journey just yet. From Bangkok we headed up to Chiang Mai, the big city in the northwest, and signed up for 3 days of jungle trekking with promises of elephant rides, hill-tribes and bamboo rafting with no other tourists around.

And that's exactly what we got. Firstly, we went for a ride an elephants...



They were even bigger than Jen!!!!!



We met some local hill-tribes. Jen had a go at bashing some rice - I would've help but it's womens work, and we don't want to offend them now do we...



We wandered through the jungle, abley guided by the cheeky Chai...



and spent the nights in some cosy bamboo huts. This is our happy gang, freshly washed after a swim in the river...



Left to right: Megan, Alex, Jen, Sophie, Tasha, Roz and Me - not sure where Chai got to, but we suspected the home grown tobacco cigars the locals were smoking had a little something extra in them. Opium is rather popular in these parts.

The last day was bamboo rafting time. The rapids weren't TOO big, but then the rafts weren't quite as sturdy as we were expecting. This is our raft...



Taken during the 5 minutes it was floating above the surface of the water :-). We had the raft without Chai, which meant we stayed mainly dry and nobody got pushed in...unlike the other raft. I almost forgot, the second night trekking was Sophie's 21st birthday, which led to a round of the "cooking pot" game. Kinda like Spot Harry with hand signs and a face full of soot.

The real festivities had to wait for the night we got back to Chiang Mai where we all got to see the effect of multiple buckets on Sophie and Alex. All very amusing - Sophie has an unfortunate habit of trying to stand on tables and chairs when drunk, not the cleverest thing when she could barely stand on her own feet!

And that is pretty much that. Jen's spent the last three days at a Thai cooking school, learning how to make me lovely curries, while I've been lazing around and learning all about China for the next leg of our adventure. We fly to Hong Kong on Wednesday and then on to China proper when our visas are sorted.

(You'd better add a bit more Jen, I seem to have skipped through that last bit)

Ok, I'll add a bit more, if you insist. It's been an amazing few weeks. For starters I got to sit on an elephants trunk - not something that happens to me every day...



We've crossed rivers while balanced on precariously placed bamboo poles, explored bat (and snake) filled caves, hiked past paddy fields, been bitten by leeches, and eaten with chopsticks that had moments earlier been a bamboo plant growing happily in the jungle. I also got to see lots of unusual mushrooms (come on, its been a few blogs since I mentioned them):



These are straw mushrooms for sale at the local market. We got a few and with the expert guidance of Perm my cooking teacher - I made a lovely spicy coconut soup, stuffed myself silly for three days and created intricate decorations from all sorts of ingredients. Here's one I made earlier:



So that brings us to the end of our travels through South East Asia and I must say it's been fantastic. If you can look past the cries of "You want Tuk Tuk?" "same same but different" "lovely jubbly" and "Massaaaaaaa" (would you like a massage) you will see a land filled with warm and smiley people, beautiful sights and delicious food. Join us again soon to hear of our adventures in the far east.

lovin' it

Jen and Col

Crouching Jen Hidden Toilet Roll - The Tissues and Issues Issue

Malaysia. Malaysia. Malaysia. Where on earth are all your tissues? I've looked far and wide and can honestly say I'm perplexed about the whole thing. Of course this being a bathroom report we're thinking toilet tissues, but its not just that. There aren't any in the restaurants or cafes either. No serviettes snuggling cutlery, no dispensers on tables. It's plain odd.

Naturally the reason I've been noticing the lack of serviettes is precisely because there are no tissues in the bathrooms. Although there is usually a bin to place them in after use. Col has a theory that they don't give you any serviettes in case you do use them as toilet paper. Which may well be true. Although that IS a little paranoid don't you think. I tried asking a waiter for tissues once. He looked suspiciously at the spill on the table and was very reluctant to dip into his hidden stash to release a single inadequate sheet. Perhaps its an expense thing?

Well guys, I've had my first (of many) real cold shower. The water was not luke warm, it was cold. Actually cold. Actually lovely and cold. It helps if you're really hot before you shower. Like getting into a swimming pool on a hot summers day - the cooling waters take on a soothing property. Although it must be remembered that I am British. Have you ever stopped to watch different nationalities at the beach, its quite interesting. I know that most Brits abroad are a pasty white or lobster red colour - but its also easy to spot one merely by watching them go for a dip in the sea. Aussies tend to rush at the sea eager to catch a wave, French and Italians splash about having a lot of fun and everyone else seems to glide into the water swallowed head first without a ripple. Brits on the other hand mostly edge in one cm at a time, tentatively tiptoeing with each oncoming wave, and generally trying not to actually get wet. Thats the way I approach cold showers.

And now for a quick pic... taken at the Kancil guest house in Melacca...


Anyway, back to more practical matters. What to expect? Well first of all expect a hose. I think I mentioned the hose in the Singapore edition. It's still there, with dinky shower head attachment and jolly useful for making everything nice and clean - floor, walls, toilet - anything within hosing distance I'd venture. The floors all have drain holes in them so its also rather useful for cooling tired feet should you happen to want to do that too.

Also expect to see a large bucket filled with water and a handled bowl, a la...


What you can't see in this picture is a cistern for flushing, and thats because there isn't one. The purpose of the bucket is two-fold; If there is no hose then you 'should' scoop some water from the shallow bowl to 'wipe', then you take several more scoops of water to flush. Ingenious.

You know what? The curious thing is that I've quickly gotten used to this new way of life. It's nice to find a bathroom where the mirror is at my face level and the sink at just the right height. Ok, sometimes the whole room needs to be sprayed down with bleach, but it's been a few weeks now so my pockets are packed with handy andies and I've (almost) stopped noticing grout.

So come on Asia, bring it on, bring it on!

Just nipping through Malaysia

Another sweltering day, another country, and if you've just spotted a big Tesco sign then you've arrived in Melaka (also known as Malacca), our first port of call in Malaysia. [Note to Ric - were you responsible for that??].

Obviously the heat is not going to let up so let's have a quick wander around the town anyway. Careful now, there's no pavement, the traffic is 'enthusiastic' and those large uncovered drains look pretty deep.

So what can we see? A beat up old Church, a big red Church, guys on flowery bike taxis, a chinatown, a modern air con mall, portuguese towers, old chinese temples,


and massive fruits hanging in the garden.


They're Jackfruit apparently. We thought for a little while they may be the famous Durians, but they didn't smell so bad and were about the size of a guys head. Obviously a guy with a very very big head. Like on It's A Knock-Out.

Anyway, what is there not to see? I'll tell you what... the little buggers that bit me on the first morning - 29 times on my left calf and 19 on my right. Naturally I'm very tasty. And naturally I have a massive allergic reaction, itch like the billy-oh, and grow red welts thereby looking like a leper and putting paid to any skirt wearing for the next few days. I do have a photo of this taken 3 or 4 days after - but I'll spare you because I'm sure you want to eat sometime today.

Anyway, it's just a quick stop in Melaka. Time to get on a bus to Kuala Lumpur, the capital, where the traffic and people lurch at you from all directions and of course, it's sweltering.

Getting around Kuala Lumpur proves to be dead easy, the sky train and LRT trains are well labelled and have a/c which means its tempting to just stay on them all day. If you want to alternate between grotty alleys with cheap tat, and Designer Labels in posh Malls then KL is the city for you. It's got them both, and not much in the in-between price range. It's fascinating and shiny and bewildering and every now and again there's a foul smell which is either drains or durians. Or both.

The most shiny, most pointy and most tall of all places was the unmissable Petronas Towers with the glass walkway. Which we missed, by visiting them on a Monday, the only day of the week they don't do tours. Still they look good with the blazing sun behind them...




Right, next, hop on overnight bus to Kuala Besut (pronounced bee-soo) sort of top right of the country. It's a nice big comfy bus, not too many of the little cockroachy things (which love buses), free blankets and a/c. I manage to snatch a few hours sleep and mostly dream I'm hurtling along on a bus about to crash. Hmmn. Hop off in the early hours. Hang about a bit then hop on a small and BOUNCY boat (a leetle overcrowded perhaps, 24 people, 16 lifejackets, thanks for counting them Col) to the Perhentian Island of Kecil. There's nothing like a good bounce in the morning to wake you up I say! It's just getting light, and our private little bay of D'Lagoon looks gorgeous, and we are the only ones to get off there, so that's nice.




And it IS nice. So nice in fact that we decide to stay for a few days to laze about; snorkelling, swimming, sunbathing and living in a tiny 'bungalow' on stilts. The sea is shallow and full of coral and the water is so warm, its like swimming in a big bath. A big bath full of neon coloured tropical fish mind you. I FOUND nemo! And here's Col finding a leetle shark....

pic 05 - Just a sec Jen. Don't mind me, I'll just be censoring this piccy. How about one of a big red church instead. Much more suitable for family viewing than me in my swim shorts...


OK, carry on.

So, lying in the hammock, tummy full of fresh coconut, hearing the waves lapping 25 foot away, I wonder... Does life get any better than this?

Yes it does.

There's a 'nest' of Green Turtle eggs right next to me, and they have just started hatching. I'm currently a mother of 5 :-)


Cute is an understatement. They didn't know how to use their flippers yet. The D'Lagoon owner will look after them for a few weeks until their shells harden and they have a better chance of survival. There's a lotta predators out there. A lotta predators. And here's one lot of predator....


That's Eddie (the Monitor) Lizard. He's 6 foot, his hobbies are swimming, early morning walks on the beach and fresh water puddles.

Now. It has been brought to my attention that we're having far too good a time and look incredibly happy in all the photo's. Fair enough, you have a point Helen. So just for you I'm trying out a new look. It's called my 'Oh god not another coconut' look. Not as famous as the 'Blue Steel' look of Zoolander, but here goes....


hmmmmn. I think it needs some work.

Anyway, try as I might to be not too incredibly happy, it's just not meant to be. We're woken up the next morning with a knock on the door and cries of 'Turtle on the beach, turtle on the beach!'. Yes another mommy turtle had come to lay eggs. Right there in front of us. It was like living in a wildlife documentary. I thought I might faint with delight.


Gorgeous isn't she? She took hours to dig her hole, lay 100 ping pong balls and then fill the hole up again. It's a shame it was such an effort for her. Plus the guy took all the eggs before she covered them - he's going to dig a safer hole further up the beach cos the silly thing chose a spot which will be under water come the monsoon in a couple of weeks.

ooohhhh. Just realised I am in a public place waving my arms back and forth imitating a giant turtle digging in sand. I think I'd better hand over to Col for a little while. Whaddya say Col?

Hello. Sorry, but I've been watching the footie. That's football, the magnificent game, for all you foreign types. And Liverpool won, so that was nice. Not sure if that's why Jen's waving her arms about or not. Maybe it's another mozzie attack...

OK, so we went to Malaysia. Oooh the hardship (right Tom, nudge nudge). Getting woken up at seven in the morning - Seven! Can you believe it. Just to watch a turtle laying eggs. Like I've never seen a nature documetary before. And the service at the restaurant was terrible, it sometimes took minutes for those fresh fruit shakes to arrive. We only stayed a week.

Despite the fact we'd pretty much reached Thailand at this stage, we decided to head back south to the Cameron Highlands, which is the major tea growing area. Not surprisingly, the land is quite high here - indeed, up to 6666 feet at Punkat Brinchang, the highest accessable road in the country, or so our guide said - which means less heat, which means less sweaty and more freshy. Or so the theory goes.

It looks like this....


And it was roasting. Not the tea, silly, the weather. But the guides still insisted on taking us on a tour of the plantation, explaining to us all about how the tea leaves go from being on the bushes, to sitting forgotten at the back of your kitchen cupboard, because let's be honest, everyone prefers coffee, but you have to have a pack of emergency teabags at home in case your mum visits. Except my mum drinks coffee as well. But Jen's mum drinks tea - come on, she's a northerner - and Jen seems to like the stuff too. But she probably just drinks it to be different or northern or something. (You should have a cup of tea and a lie down Col)

Then they made us go for a walk in the forest (seriously Tom, they MADE us, no arguments, and this was no walk in the park, it was like a walk in the...errmmm...forest...). It was a mossy forest I believe. Which meant we were actually walking on a thick layer of moss rather than on the ground. It was all explained to us at the time - five types of forest (or was it seven?), three of them in the highlands area, lots of long names, sorry I can't do better than that but we'd hit information overload by this point - as were various ways of doing away with unwanted acquaintances using just the local plant-life. That seemed to get everyone's attention back.

How about another pitcher...


Did you notice the little pun there. Well that's as good as it's going to get...hmmm, I guess you've realised that after 9 months of this rubbish. A picture of a poised pitcher plant (five times now, quickly) ready for it's next feed. There were thousands of them. That was one of the better ones.

So, promised tales of hardship and woe. I'm afraid I'm struggling a bit here. There was the golf I suppose - lovely course, but the play was shocking. And high tea afterwards at the hotel over the road would have been a little more relaxing if the king (?) hadn't decided to turn up in his helicopter and land it in the middle of the back nine. Awfully distracting. We'd been wondering why the police had been hanging about outside the clubhouse as we waited in vain for a taxi. And then there was the Steam Boat - the local dish, you cook your own food at the table in a large heated soup bowl. What do we think of that Jen?...


Yeah, don't know about you, but I generally go out to eat because I can't actually be bothered to cook myself. It was a classy joint though, there was a No Spitting sign on the wall.

(I'm floundering here Jen, take over again)

Again an example of my 'Not another coconut' look. I can't take my eyes off the 'No Spitting sign'. I mean. It's in English. Are the British THAT badly behaved abroad?

So, a quick paragraph about traffic. The rules of the road are a little different. In England they drive on the left. In France they drive on the right. In Malaysia they drive in the middle. Humpback bridge, bend in the road, brow of a hill - are all good spots to overtake. Larger vehicles have right of way over smaller vehicles. And if the police set up a road block and want to raise money - they will keep you on the side of the road until they can think of something to fine you for (in our case it was having 3 people sat in the 3 front seats of the minibus, all wearing seatbelts. obviously). I must say however, Malaysian road crossing signs are fantastic. The little green man is actually an ANIMATED green man - running. He's brilliant. (check - yes, i'm doing an impression of the running man - must stop). Also, theres a countdown timer above the traffic lights so you can tell how long you've got before the lights change. Genius.

So that brings us to the end of our jaunt through Malaysia. It was supposed to be a few days but it turned into a fortnight. Lovely country, could have stayed longer, but onwards and upwards as they say. Need to hop on a plane to Thailand now, see you there.

xxx

Crouching Jen Hidden Hidden Toilet Roll - Singapore

Mention the far east and sooner or later you're bound to start thinking about squat toilets. You've heard tell of their existence and quite frankly they're all a bit foreign. Well for anyone that wants to come to South East Asia, but is a little bit concerned about the lack of Western conveniences - I'd say go to Singapore. Its like Asia for beginners.

With Singapore all the best bits of Asia are condensed onto one small island, theres fantastic food to be had, shopping galore, practically all the signs are dual language (so its easy to find the toilets) - its a real combination of East meets West. And that's not confined to the public places either - its extended to the most private of places too. The option of either western style seat OR eastern squat style toilets can be found in most outlets. And clean, clean, clean. Which is, I can assure you, a lovely thing in a toilet.

And If you don't believe me heres a quick photo....



Nice and shiny clean wasn't it? That was taken at the Night Safari which is a Zoo that you visit at night when the animals are awake, and a 'must see' if you ever happen to be in the area. Oh, were you expecting a picture of a squat toilet? Well I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone would I?



Now the more observant of you will notice that the East West approach doesn't stop there. In either style cubicle you can often find a tap for personal washing AND toilet paper - so you could pick and choose your method. I can't comment on the tap option right now as I'm much more familiar with toilet paper. The only problem is the enduring humidity in Singapore. With such high levels of humidity it is inevitable that any tissue paper will shrivel to a limp pathetic existence. If you've never thought about slightly damp toilet paper then you won't be aware that it tears easily and likes to cling to itself.You can only imagine the fun involved in getting more than one segment off the roll.

Now, for the female readers amongst us, can we all agree that visiting the ladies loos will inevitably find you joining a queue? No change here. However in Singapore I found there were often two queues in the ladies - one for each style of convenience, and generally speaking both of equal length as women went with what they were familiar with. I saw a young woman inadvertantly join the seat style queue and when it was her turn she backed out of the cubicle as fast as she went in, wrinkled her nose up, and joined the squat queue. So it works both ways.

Talking of two options brings me to the unexpected SINGLE option when it comes to water, in particular, showers. Folks, theres only one option for water temperature, and thats luke warm. I suppose technically speaking its cold water but with the high ambient temperature it actually comes out more tepid than you were expecting. Which is actually quite nice. A tepid shower was a rather nice compromise. Although seeing as for most of the time I was outrageously HOT, a nice cold shower was a pretty inviting thought . Besides all this, the refreshing feeling you get after showering is unfortunately not possible. The humidity levels are such that IMMEDIATELY (and by that I mean within a nanosecond) of switching the water off - your body heats up and the humidity ensures that you remain damp for the rest of the day no matter how much towelling you try to employ. The only way round it is to live in air-conditioned sanity or stay in the shower forever.

And that, my friends, is the low down on Singapore. I hoped you enjoyed it and will be reassured that your personal reporter is doing well, if a little damply, in South East Asia.